Today I hit an emotional wall and I realized it’s time to get out of here. The end of school is killing me. The kids are bored out of their minds (it’s been two weeks of ‘review’ and movies). All of the activities except soccer are finished so there isn’t enough to do. I also have a To-Do list the length of my arm, but unfortunately what I get done each day is not enough and replaced with more things than those accomplished.
I am one of those people who need things clean and tidy before I go on holidays. I cannot STAND coming home to a mess or a dirty house. This of course means that in the time leading up to a trip I have massive expectations on myself. My problem however, is not just to have it clean and all tidy, but to all of a sudden finish unfinished projects (I’m so lucky my sewing is still in boxes). On one hand, being in the new house makes this easier because things are still fairly organized and tidy. However, it also still feels like we just moved in with only a few things on the walls etc. So of course, with just weeks to spare I’ve had Barton hanging curtains and I’m putting up pictures and settling things in the way I wanted them 7 months ago. It is all very unnecessary seeing as it’s been perfectly fine for 7 months and one more would do no harm. The upside is that by the time we leave it might actually look like we live here, the downside is the totally unnecessary additional stress.
Maybe it’s those pre-trip expectations that highlight the things I’ve put off or just not gotten around to. Do you know how much easier life would be, just in general, if we all just did something as soon as it needed doing??? Think about how often you have to remind someone to do something, or you put off a necessity because you don’t feel like it - but then there it is, hovering over your head bumping you like Dobby’s cake going “remember how you haven’t done this yet? Slacker... Procrastinator” And then I beat myself up thinking, “From now on, it’ll just always be done so that the next time we go away I can just pack up and go.” (I’ve said that multiple times a year for multiple years).
With our imminent departure looming 8 days away I am all of a sudden feeling these things bump against the back of my brain. But not only does my own To Do list get longer, so does everyone else’s. Barton works every day until we leave. Riley is completely engulfed in grade 11 exams and this coming weekend is so full of activities I have finally - FINALLY started saying no. (score one for me!)
It might seem like the obvious answer would be to let it go. It’s so not going to happen - hence the rant. I need to move on...
There is always that moment leading up to a trip where you just need to GO. Get out. Because once you walk through security it doesn’t matter anymore. You didn’t wipe that shelf? Oh well. You forgot to mail that letter from 2 months ago? Well, one more month won’t hurt. You take a magazine and a latte and you wait for your boarding call and you breathe.
No matter how much anxiety I feel about the trip in general, I don’t think it compares to the desire to now just get on that plane and get the hell out of here.